We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
