I'm gonna have a badass scar
Jerry, you need to find god
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
