the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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