I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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