why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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