I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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