So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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