Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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