i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
