Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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