I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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