i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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