You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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