What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
