sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
