How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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