Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
