Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the day after is always just damage control
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
