her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
