At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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