Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
please don't ironically join a cult
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