remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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