i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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