But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
