is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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