i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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