i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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