so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
