so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
