At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
