Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
