Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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