i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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