The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
