It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
