I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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