Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
