There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
