I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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