If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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