I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
