What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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