I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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