Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
