Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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