You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
