The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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