Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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