guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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