sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
